Part 87: Red Submarine

Chapter 86 - Red Submarine






On to our next mission: Stealing a submarine!





Another Key Item. How exciting!



The Scimitar is a pretty good weapon.





It's one of the few Triple Growth weapons in the game.



Right, so we have to kill a bunch of dudes.





These guys have the right idea.



Unfortunately these grunts offer no difficulty whatsoever at this point. Plus we just killed Carry Armor.



This is definitely a good point to save. I don't want to fight Carry Armor again and if you lose the next battle, well...



It's amusing how the enemies start to panic more frequently, I presume because our reputation is reaching them. Either that or the screams of the other 20 we defeated right outside.



Oh.



Umm...



Yes. These are the bozos we taught the special pose, way back in Junon, CD 1.





Cloud has a soft heart. We even get the option not to fight them



If you fight them, the battle will play this instead of the standard theme, for the sake of comedy. They don't do the Special Pose if they win, though, I checked.



We're taking them as prisoners, though.



For fuck's sake, Cloud.



Good grief.









Sigh.



SIIIIGH.



How the hell were you guys intending on pilot it in the first place.







They do seem to have a lot more submarines than every other vehicle in the world.



So yeah, we're off to pilot the submarine. Which means we're soon to engage in a whole new minigame!



Screw the manual though, this can't be so h




aRDOHMYGOD.



I hate this minigame. With fury. I smashed some buttons and now I changed the view. And look at all these HUDs.



It's not hard to control once you "get it", but it's likely that if you didn't read the manual, by the time you learn how to move the red submarine will be far gone from your LOD. And you can't see very far ahead.



Conversely, if you know what you're doing and smash the Fire Torpedo button as soon as the mini-game start, you'll insta-pop the red submarine and the whole thing will last less than one second.



You can't see crap but I swear this is me firing torpedoes at the red submarine.



Hooray! Someone had to code this minigame!



Nice. Now we have a submarine of our own!



On to our third Huge Materia.



Huh.



Picture Han Solo, if you will.



"We will transport the Huge Materia from the airport... those without other assignments will report for guard duty..."





Ta-Dah!



So this is the reason for these horse-shoes all over the game.



Screw Junon we're rollin'.



Dey see me rollin'



Dey hatin'... wait, what is this crater here



OHGOD



Next time:

BACK TO THE SURFACE WHERE IS JUNON OH LORD




Bugs & Bytes

Dognapping or: What happens if you suck at mini-games



So let's say you absolutely can't find the red submarine, got blown to death by the other enemies, stepped on one too many "mines" (pictured) or the timer runs out.



Well besides the disappointment of having to see this screen, you find out that you don't actually get a Game-Over.





You get the same script as before.



But things go a little different, since you have to evacuate the submarine.



I imagine Vincent saying this in the most monotone voice possible, stating the obvious.



I can't see how this could go wrong.



The screen blacks out, we sadly don't get to see what would otherwise be an amazing animation.





We can't continue the game without a submarine. Well right now we can, since they are sending us to Rocket Town, but eventually we'll need one so we gotta go down again.



A lot of players (and magazines, heh) got confused about this entrance back in the day because you can't ever go there if you win the minigame. Which is what happens in most cases.




Oh, pleassse.



fastforwardbattle





I'm willing to bet a lot of players never get to see this screen. Look, the dog's still trying to block us.



Cloud and his bunch of sociopaths are stopped by nothing. NOTHING!



NOTHING!!



Yea, it's official. People are scared to death of us.



Be grateful for your new overlord.



Seriously, this is hilarious.



Wait, bad translators, bad!



So, yeah.



You get a submarine that is red instead of gray to forever show the world you failed at a mini-game. This punishment would be more efficient if the red submarine didn't look so much cooler.